Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
