she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
