Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
