She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
