I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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