im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
