Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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