So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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