Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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