3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
