LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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