Sry I called you an 8
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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