tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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