Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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