is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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