Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
