yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
