woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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