god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
