WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
