I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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