Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I think people are normalizing furries
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
