is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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