you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
