So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
