he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
