woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
