In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
