She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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