it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
