Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Found the puke drawer
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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