Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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