woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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