Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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