When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
