That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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