he wants to bone in the snuggie
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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