R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
