wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
