It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
