Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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