The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
