i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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