Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
