Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
