she woke up with a sticky ear
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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