mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
