Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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