I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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