Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
