My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
