Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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