well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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